Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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