How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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