Christians are straight up FREAKS
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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