yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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