She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
