If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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