ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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