Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
