The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there was a trapeze. enough said
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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