He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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