After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your penis caused this!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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