What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
