ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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