Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
