fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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