if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
