So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
