Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
