Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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