A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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