and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
