no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
