im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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