sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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