i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
