Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
