that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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