4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
