So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.