my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
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This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.