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• (678): View more from Georgia

  did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband

  (404): View more from Georgia

  did it work?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  nope

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes

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  19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (705): View more from Ontario

  You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.

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• (347): View more from New York

  I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.

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• (818): View more from California

  I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one

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  21 Worst Confessions on a First Date

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time

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• (347): View more from New York

  tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.

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