I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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