look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.