OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Terrible idea I love it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"