i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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