drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
