lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
