My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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