I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Small penises have feelings too.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
