I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
