just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
