he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
