Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
