If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
