you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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