And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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