Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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