So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
