based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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