shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
