I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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