I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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