I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
