All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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