question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
