is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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