Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
