I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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