she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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