Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
