Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
