My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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