finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
