It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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