if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
