I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
