Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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