And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
