Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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