you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
