i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
