You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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