i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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