You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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