everyone is single if you try hard enough
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
