just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
