The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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