I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
